Following in your footsteps

" In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9

Following in Jesus footsteps has been an ongoing prayer for me in my work with Light Patrol, and in relationships with my friends on the street. There are plans I consistently make in my heart, in my mind, written in my day planner of how I think a day will go. Instead my day turns out much like this verse, where the Lord establishes my footsteps, leads me another way, and changes the course and I just have to follow and trust that he is leading me, and he is in control.

He establishes footsteps when...

I find myself unexpectedly sitting with a dear young friend who holds a sign to the world that says " I am invisible".
Who wears pants that read " I am sorry I am ugly" crudely splayed across.
One who holds razor blades, hunches over kneecaps, hood drawn tight to face and speaking of hatred for the world through tattooed lips.He puts sharpie to cardboard pulling together poetry, seeking to make sense of his existence. He speaks through unspeakable trauma's and mistreatment that have invaded his story, he mutters through tears why he should live, when he feels he matters to no one.

Oh how the profound presence of the one who leads me becomes so real in this time. Jesus presence of truth, compassion, mercy, grieving, heartache, and open arms for his angry hurt child are so tangible and real.

He establishes footsteps when...

Her bright smile pokes through the opening of her tent, and socked feet find themselves into boots as she steps out. We walk together, and find ourselves in a coffee shop listening to the poured out heart of a brave courageous little Girl. The beautiful moment, when a friendship begins. Gentle voiced
trust, thoughts, storytelling and the sharing of one's pain are offered in sweet conversation over coffees.

He establishes footsteps when...

I find myself sharing lunch together sitting upon the ground, food set on a thoughtfully fashioned table at the campsite of a dear friend. Dogs cuddling happily under large blanket, settling at the mouth of a freshly organized tent. Experiencing the stunning hospitality of one so genuine.

He establishes footsteps when...

I walk down the street with him, contagious joy written all over his face in giddy smiles.His juggling of longboard  in one hand, guitar in the other, backpack slung over shoulder. To be with one who through a life of tormenting mental health, abuse, harm, and massive trauma as he relishes the gift of a guitar from another is beyond sacred. He preaches to me in the midst of an unbelievable story. Such joy, unconditional love, mercy, compassion, unrelenting forgiveness, and a grasp of faith and love for God I am in awe of. He challenges me as he reveals to me what raw dependence on Jesus looks like, I  may never truly understand this intimacy with God in my lifetime.



When following Jesus, and asking him to lead me, I must give up my plans and ideas I must always be brought to a place of surrender. I have no idea where he will take me and what will happen. Sometimes the road is muddy and I am sinking and moving slowly. Sometimes the road is rocky and it hurts as I navigate and move through it. Sometimes the road is bumpy and the ground is not levelled and I slip and fall. Sometimes the road is smooth and easy. What I am daily learning following Jesus regardless of the journey is that I am always secure, always safe, always loved and taken care of because I am trusting and putting my faith in the one I love. I am trusting that his
kingdom is coming, his will is being done on earth as it is in heaven.

Precious lives to him

" He will rescue the poor and needy when they cry to him. He will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. He feels pity for the weak and needy, and he will rescue them. He will redeem them from oppression and violence. For their lives are precious to him." Psalm 72

The neediness and poverty on the streets of Toronto is overwhelming at times.

Voiced griefs of the lonely and separated
Exausted eyes of the vulnerable and weak
Disturbing cycles of abuse and harm from those desperate for family
Cold,weary bodies of those wearing little standing on street corners prostituting
Thick darkness surrounding those who find love and belonging in the Devil rather then Christ
Inner battle of the mother finding herself pregnant once again on the street
Filthy,smelly, unwashed appearance of the addicted
Constant isolation of the mentally ill and disabled

The cries for rescue are often drowned out by the fast pace of the city
The plea for help is often ignored and not acknowledged by those rushing past
The hope to be defended is often rejected,deflated, and let down

My hope for those crying out in this city is found in the faithful,ever present heart of Jesus Christ
His heart is for the rescue of each
His heart is to help each that is being oppressed
His heart is to defend each who find themselves defenceless
His heart is for the redemption of each
His heart is for each to know they are precious to him

May this beautiful,unconditional Jesus Christ, this stunning heart, this life giving presence increase in and through our lives and may we decrease.

When he cups my chin and says "welcome home"

" I will drop my longing for home when I see my father. Those I love will shout. Those I know will applaud. But the noise will stop when he cups my chin and says "welcome home."With scarred hands he will wipe away every tear from my eyes. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Max Lucado 

Hope please rise in physical bodies

Promise please settle in weary hearts 

Truth please reveal in troubled minds

Beauty please captivate lost souls

Jesus please whisper into deaf ears

Jesus please clear blurred vision

Jesus please unclench fearful fists

You see, you know

The homeless

The afflicted

The scared

The abused 

The forgotten

The addicted

The sexually exploited

The lonely

The foreigners

The wandering

Your heart aches for the deep longing in each beloved one for home

You desire to cup each and every chin, and say "welcome home"

You yearn to touch each with scarred hands

To wipe away each tear from every eye

To beckon, and invite each precious child to dwell in your house forever

My soul feels so sick

He is not easily missed

burly and towering in size

Unruly long hair paired with a scruffy beard

the most gentle of eyes and kindest of gazes

He sits beside me

Staring straight ahead 

musing aloud in response to my greeting

Moving aside the pleasantries 

he turns to me thoughtfully

"My soul feels so sick... I really need Jesus.

It feels exhausted, and so tired....I really need Jesus.

Nothing seems to be working on my own....I really need Jesus."

He speaks of the daily inward torment

the deep realities of grief and suffering in his life

The hurtles he must overcome every moment to keep going

the all encompassing mental battles, anxieties, fears, and burdens

" I fought to come here today,

I knew I needed the body and blood of Christ to fill me

so I won't be empty anymore, so I can live."

Profound words ministering to me 

from a most significant gentleman

His presence is beyond sacred

he inspires me to dance, to sing, and to believe in healing love.

" What you really need is just to be hugged"

He comes aboard the RV
plopping into booth
backback in tow
anger and frustration building
unloading things pent up
scattered eye contact
sick of no dignity
tired of being overlooked
exhausted of life as a wanderer
my words are thin
he doesn't need a response
or my fumbling for answers
he needs to be heard
another man sits nearby observing
pondering the words being spoken
he too his homeless
he launches into an explanation of blessing
things to be thankful for on the street
to look on the brighter side
I behold this fascinating pep talk
one man low, hunched over in his seat
the other expressive and joy filled
polar opposites
when it becomes apparent that words aren't helping
joy filled man's eyes light up
" What you really need, is just to be hugged"he speaks happily
dropping his things and embracing with endearment.

" I have wounds... I am wounded."

She lays crumpled in the fetal position
head drooped to ankles
gripping for balance on a little brick wall
whimpering anguish
She beckons us near

Summoning all strength
head lifts briefly
matted thick hair tosses back and forth
the weight becomes to much
exausted head flops back to ankles

Tiny in frame
covered in open sores and scars along arms
spatters of dried blood cake little ears
bending down I see her face
disfigured, difficulty breathing, eyes fighting to stay open

My nose is overwhelmed by the odour
My eyes struck by the depth of frailty I am beholding
My arms seek to steady her
My voice struggles to keep soft and soothing
My mind races with what my action steps should be
My heart feels heavy and devastated by her reality

Help soon reaches us
we drive to the emergency room
she mutters between squeezed eyes reacting to unbearable pain
"I have wounds, I am wounded"she whispers
sinking in and out counscienceness


My mind fills with "she is the least of these"
the moment is holy, Jesus is present
her body curls into itself as she fights to hold on
"...And I identify with the least of these"
I hear in the quiet among the chaos

"The messy, piercing ache of now..."

"The joy wonder could be here!

 Here in the messy, piercing ache of now, 

joy might be - unbelievably- possible!"

Ann Voskamp

She tugs at thigh high boots

feet crumpled and cramped

musing at little toes crying out 

thick curls of hairspray

  red, darling smile

she takes a break from her night work

contagious laughter fills the space 

with wide eyes, a gentle yet proclaiming tone

she hoots "praise Jesus"

enjoying her spontaneous self

she squeals again for good measure

letting out a string of blessing words

she playfully directs my face to hers 

to guarantee my listening

"don't forget he hears you"

scolding me with gentle laughter 

lighting up with mischief, unable to contain her secret

 with head resting back, she belts a U2 song

I slowly join her

I baffle inwardly at the rare joy wonder I am beholding

I  am undone in the messy, piercing ache of now

I take in the moment as she shows me joy-

unbelievable joy

somehow possible on this night.