Bible study & hot chocolate times.

Surrounded by quite a collection of interesting off beat characters, we meet for coffee and bible study. We are frequently approached by others seeking loose change, or a visit. 

When things settle, and the conversation takes off, we are unaware of our surroundings. 

Hot chocolates, confiding, sharing, scripture and talking to God. A sacred peaceful time in the midst of chaos, a time we both look forward to. A very simple always profound time. 

She comes bringing a fresh honesty, a deep trust, a hunger for scripture, and countless questions. 

 It is so neat for me to be a part of her grappling with God, wrestling for answers, relaxing in truth, and childlike faith in her very difficult circumstances. 

It's amazing how God shows up in Tim's but he does every time.  He guides and directs our talks, I can sense his leadership, his voice, his unconditional love.

 Always obvious, always clear.

He is revealing himself to us, it is exciting, life giving, and filled with hope.

I am taken aback by God each time, the beautiful ways he works, the majesty of who he is, and his heart for both us his children. 

It always comes back to the gospel, the truth of Christ, and the love of our father. 

Then we pray, get up  and go back to two very different life circumstances. 

Please pray for us, as we continue to have bible study hot chocolate times. 

Some Love Thoughts

Today I am pondering love. 

My perspective is being impacted by the people I am blessed to call friends. 

 Love in my experience is often spoken through words, communicated through touch, silently expressed through a gaze, and demonstrated through actions. 

It is beautiful, sacrificial, forgiving, tender, safe  and secure. 

It is a gift freely for me to give and lovely to accept.

Human beings are designed and created for love. 

For those of us who have been accustomed to  love, it's a natural, regular part of life.

I grew up with a father who spent time with me, cuddled me every day, carried me to bed when i fell asleep in the car, would take me on dates, bike ride adventures, swim for hours with me, and constantly say " I love you".

I grew up with a mother who thought I was the coolest kid in the world, spent endless hours reading with me, taking me on picnics, playing dressup , loved holding me, and calling me endearing sweet names. 

As I am given the gift of hearing my friends stories on the streets, I am growing familiar with the all too frequent reality that  many have no concept or point of reference when it comes to  love. Many do not have fond memories like the ones I have described.

Warped ideas of healthy love.

Abusive touch, love tied to fear and pain for many. Hurtful verbal messages deeply ingrained in their minds, crippling them. So much dysfunction and unhealthiness, many are not able to grasp what safe real love is. I am often blown away by the shattered sense of self worth many carry with them in broken pieces. 

"Undeserving of love. Not beautiful enough. I deserve to be hit and abused. I am too far gone, too dirty, to messed up. I shouldn't be living. I am not good enough." All heartbreaking words that are voiced.

My hope is that love will be restored in the lives of my friends. I pray that they would allow Christ to heal and transform their lives. Countless are searching, grasping, looking for this love in many negative places. 

May each child come to know...

The tender, loving touch of their heavenly father. 

The words filled with truth he longs to whisper and speak. 

The healing of deep gaping wounds

The transformation from despair to hope

The peace and trust that comes with knowing Jesus

The worth, beauty and affirmation that comes from the creator.

These are difficult realities, and yet in the midst of their very real battles, I have experienced the unselfish, genuine love from these individuals, they are amazing. God teaches me alot through their lives and circumstances. I am humbled often by their generosity, delighted in their affirming and encouraging words  spoken into my life. I am captivated by their raw, authentic beauty, and the ways in which it is revealed.

        Golden hair framing her sweet face, piercing green eyes surrounded by liner.

She caught my attention as she boarded the RV, carrying herself with confidence mixed with slight hesitance. 

 She leaned in, chin resting on the palm of her hand. She described her love for music, the arts, creativity, dreaming aloud of what she hopes and wants out of life. 

This young girl has been stifled without realizing it with the difficult choices and situations she has allowed to become her lifestyle. Her love has been cheapened. Worth has become confused in her mind. Her shocking realities have become normal in her daily life.

She expressed the desire to find herself, who she is, her place in this world, for things to be different.

She has a fire about her, a determination for more. 

She has been created in the image of God, and she is not aware of it.

She has been formed and designed by a perfect father who longs for all of her. 

She is loved, a precious treasure, unique, and sought after...

I am confident of my father's love for this sweet  daughter.

He sees and knows her, and is not giving up on her life. 

Two Homes...

EVICTION NOTICE

You are hereby banished from
The House of Fear forever.
With malice aforethought, you have
Flagrantly withheld the monthly rent
Of guilt, anxiety, fear, shame
And self-condemnation.
You have adamantly refused to
Worry about your salvation.
Already I overheard one dismal tenant say,
“There goes the neighborhood!”
Your freedom from fear is not only
Dangerous but contagious.
Real estate values have plummeted;
Gullible investors are hard to find.
Why?
Your callous and carefree rejection
Of slavery!
A pox on you and
All deluded lovers of liberty!

-The Prince of Darkness 
( Ragamuffin Gospel)

I am a person who is all to familiar with visiting this home. Guilt makes sense to me, I am ready to be anxious,prone to fear, and well accustomed to shame. Self condemnation just seems to be a given. These things have often been my struggle, my showing up unwanted companion in life.

 Jesus Christ offers a very different home. 
God our father revealing real love through his son, putting on flesh and coming to walk with us on this earth is stunning. Him loving us enough to identify with us, unfathomable. His death and resurrection so that we may be set free and given hope in new life and relationship with our father, unbelievable.
 He is something beautiful, and we are his created handiwork.

His love is relentlessly unconditional. Available for the basking in. Hospitable in it's offering. Forgiving for the ugliness. And intimate in it's expression.
 He is our true home.

The crazy thought of being fully known, and fully loved regardless is such an undeserving gift. He sees my prone to wander away heart back to those places of bondage, struggle and hurt. Yet... he does not grow weary the way I do, frustrated in my failures as I do, or impatient in my stumbling as I do. 

I am thankful today for my father who never gives up on me,but takes me by the hand leading me deeper into his love, his heart, his truth, and his freedom.

I trust you when...

I am weak you are strong

 I am shaky you are steady

 I am struggling, you are not

 I am unsure, you are truth

I am confused, you are clarity

I am unlovely, you created me

Thank you. Help me to make you my home.

Mystery Man

      People have so much power to influence and effect each other. The way you look at someone, the words you speak, your body language... all of it can really impact a person to feel loved or unloved, important or unoticed, valued or not good enough.

I was significantly influenced by a gentleman on the streets the other night.
The way he treated me, the words he spoke to me, the way he listened to me... I knew I was incredibly valued.

He stood tall with a quiet dignity, bushy beard gone wild covering his whole face, kind eyes poking out beneath his hat.

There was something about him that struck me, he had a safety and simple peace he seemed to carry. A mystery. I enjoyed his presence as I searched to find him a pair of pants, we small talked.

He smiled looked at me and asked " so, tell me how long you have been a Christian".

He easily leaned in to hear my answer genuinly interested.

After my short story, I asked him the same question.

He instantly drew me in with his words.

 He spoke of picking up the bible and reading the gospel of luke one day, and just knowing deep in his heart it was the word of God.

He described the burden he did not know he was carrying until it was lifted from his shoulders, when he realized Christ took it for him.

The rv revved up, with a tip of the hat, an encouraging word to me in my walk with God he went back into the night.

Sometimes I am sure Jesus is revealing himself through people,  this was one of those times.

Frigid cold night, absolutely chilling to the bone, wind sweeping the streets with snow dust, tiny flakes twirling around my head.

Each person we found seemed all the more vulnerable. Each with watery eyes, bright red faces, shaking, struggling to keep warm. Small bundles in corners, on sidewalks burrowing in sleeping bags…

It was heart wrenching tonight, though there were not nearly as many people as normal, still far to many individuals we found were alone in the cold.

An elderly woman really captured me tonight. Sitting atop a heating vent, a massive tarp threatened to carry her off as it billowed around her, two tiny legs poking out. Her person coming into view, beautiful toothless smile, soft hair around her face, kind engaging eyes.

Her attitude  was light hearted and upbeat, as she laughed about what she must look like to passerbys. She was so appreciative and showed such intentionality in her speech as she thanked us. She talked freely and at ease as if we were old friends.

How humbling for me, a person who is quick to complain when it is cold, and let grumpiness and complaining take over when I am not comfortable.

I am  struck by the attitude , kindness, and friendship I am shown by people on the streets. People who I would think have every right to be upset, frustrated, and angry for being in that situation instead seem to be surviving with humility. I am being taught.

Please pray for those who for whatever reason are finding themselves out in this cold weather alone right now.

Christmas...

Christmas, a word for me that is quickly tied to warm fuzzy feelings. 

Fresh good smelling tree, decorated and covered in twinkle lights, laughter, family, giving and receiving. Sledding, memories, meaningful moments. Lots of hugs, love and joy constantly in the room. 

Reading the christmas story by candlelight, singing christmas songs, being secure, safe.

Christmas for many on the streets of Toronto, is a word that is quickly tied to very different emotions. Pain, loneliness, sadness, anger, difficult memories...

I cannot relate in this way, there are always levels of pain that are hard for me to identify with in these  relationships.

Planning the Christmas party for these very dear friends, was a difficult task for me. Knowing what a hard time of year it is for some, I struggled to know what the night would hold, as the final touches to the banquet hall were made,and we prepared to open the doors, I didn't know what to expect.

The evening was wonderful

 I was blessed by each and every one, as we celebrated and shared christmas dinner together. Everything felt slightly magical for me, I enjoyed having everyone in one room together laughing, talking, crafting . It was like a big, random, unique family, one that I have come to feel a part of, and take delight in many ways. 

I was not met with people angry, or bitter with Christmas like I had slightly expected. I was met with people who were quick to be selfless, honest with their feelings, thankful for the party and coming together, excited to be there and share together. 

I didn't want the night to end, I loved every moment. 

Please pray for my family here in Toronto this Christmas. My hope is somehow, someway they will experience the closeness, love, family, and home in Christ this Christmas even in the midst of their difficult circumstances.