My soul feels so sick

He is not easily missed

burly and towering in size

Unruly long hair paired with a scruffy beard

the most gentle of eyes and kindest of gazes

He sits beside me

Staring straight ahead 

musing aloud in response to my greeting

Moving aside the pleasantries 

he turns to me thoughtfully

"My soul feels so sick... I really need Jesus.

It feels exhausted, and so tired....I really need Jesus.

Nothing seems to be working on my own....I really need Jesus."

He speaks of the daily inward torment

the deep realities of grief and suffering in his life

The hurtles he must overcome every moment to keep going

the all encompassing mental battles, anxieties, fears, and burdens

" I fought to come here today,

I knew I needed the body and blood of Christ to fill me

so I won't be empty anymore, so I can live."

Profound words ministering to me 

from a most significant gentleman

His presence is beyond sacred

he inspires me to dance, to sing, and to believe in healing love.

" What you really need is just to be hugged"

He comes aboard the RV
plopping into booth
backback in tow
anger and frustration building
unloading things pent up
scattered eye contact
sick of no dignity
tired of being overlooked
exhausted of life as a wanderer
my words are thin
he doesn't need a response
or my fumbling for answers
he needs to be heard
another man sits nearby observing
pondering the words being spoken
he too his homeless
he launches into an explanation of blessing
things to be thankful for on the street
to look on the brighter side
I behold this fascinating pep talk
one man low, hunched over in his seat
the other expressive and joy filled
polar opposites
when it becomes apparent that words aren't helping
joy filled man's eyes light up
" What you really need, is just to be hugged"he speaks happily
dropping his things and embracing with endearment.

" I have wounds... I am wounded."

She lays crumpled in the fetal position
head drooped to ankles
gripping for balance on a little brick wall
whimpering anguish
She beckons us near

Summoning all strength
head lifts briefly
matted thick hair tosses back and forth
the weight becomes to much
exausted head flops back to ankles

Tiny in frame
covered in open sores and scars along arms
spatters of dried blood cake little ears
bending down I see her face
disfigured, difficulty breathing, eyes fighting to stay open

My nose is overwhelmed by the odour
My eyes struck by the depth of frailty I am beholding
My arms seek to steady her
My voice struggles to keep soft and soothing
My mind races with what my action steps should be
My heart feels heavy and devastated by her reality

Help soon reaches us
we drive to the emergency room
she mutters between squeezed eyes reacting to unbearable pain
"I have wounds, I am wounded"she whispers
sinking in and out counscienceness


My mind fills with "she is the least of these"
the moment is holy, Jesus is present
her body curls into itself as she fights to hold on
"...And I identify with the least of these"
I hear in the quiet among the chaos

"The messy, piercing ache of now..."

"The joy wonder could be here!

 Here in the messy, piercing ache of now, 

joy might be - unbelievably- possible!"

Ann Voskamp

She tugs at thigh high boots

feet crumpled and cramped

musing at little toes crying out 

thick curls of hairspray

  red, darling smile

she takes a break from her night work

contagious laughter fills the space 

with wide eyes, a gentle yet proclaiming tone

she hoots "praise Jesus"

enjoying her spontaneous self

she squeals again for good measure

letting out a string of blessing words

she playfully directs my face to hers 

to guarantee my listening

"don't forget he hears you"

scolding me with gentle laughter 

lighting up with mischief, unable to contain her secret

 with head resting back, she belts a U2 song

I slowly join her

I baffle inwardly at the rare joy wonder I am beholding

I  am undone in the messy, piercing ache of now

I take in the moment as she shows me joy-

unbelievable joy

somehow possible on this night.

Christmas Love

I have been given significant gifts of relationship for Christmas this year 

gifts my heart doesn't quite know what to do with

how to comprehend, or even write down

how to receive and respond

to the moments of being so overwhelmed by the extravagant love of another

The sacredness...

 " I love you" being spoken 

cherished kisses on the cheek

eyes filling with tears

arms open to embracing

rich generosity of words

handmade gifts offering to me a story

belonging in such a precious community

I am so humbled by the huge capacity for love I see and experience on the street

people of great bravery who love through much pain and hardship

Please pray this Christmas for my dear friends.

Those who battle addictions, homelessness, abuse, 

prostitution, low self worth, trauma, painful realities, 

difficult memories and loneliness.

May they discover the gift and presence of Jesus Christ

and find themselves in community with others.

Sitting in a wordless moment

Her face is stoic

hard and firm

tiny indent marks of pursed lips

chapped and dry

wide eyes black lined

hair pulled up tightly.

Back against the wall

legs slung criss crossing

she freezes a weary glance

fatigue 

we sit side by side

staring ahead of us.

I am given a window into her mind and her heart

as she speaks

with no real attempt at conversation

more the overheard musings, heartaches, and thoughts of a read aloud diary entry.

Trauma's of abuse

molested as a little girl

grieving the losses of many

homeless and lonely

raped and violated

shame in being known

fear in being seen.

She moves through the details, memories, and descriptions of her story 

struggling to keep composure in her reality

face quietly wilting

rolling tear drops

lips trembling

giving into the sorrow.

We sit in silence

she heaves a sigh of defeat

two strangers now connected 

sitting in a wordless moment.

Somewhere to call " home"

Grinning ear to ear

eyes sparkling and full of giddiness

they practically burst

my anticipation builds

the secret dangles lightly in front of me

with joyful eruption

the news tumbles out in excited sputters and squeals.

" We finally got a place"

they sit back with gleeful expressions 

taking delight in my reaction

I am stunned, unable to form words

so instead we cheer together 

celebrating with hugs and laughter 

I stand thrilled listening to new found discoveries, watching their faces light up

buying soap and shampoo for their very own shower

having somewhere to call " home" instead of "campsite"