" I use drugs... You use Jesus"

We sat together outside of mcdonalds on bloor street downtown.
Fluffy hair tucked under a toque, styrofoam cup in hand for change.
Cigarette tucked loosely between his engaging smile.

His genuine kindness, and his gentle laid back attitude made him comfortable to be around.

He freely shared bits and pieces of his story. I appreciated his authenticity, and consistency in checking in with me every so often to make sure I was tracking with him. 

Lost childhood, jail in his teen years, unhealthy role models and influences, strongholds of drugs and alcohol in his life. He had seen much darkness.

I asked him what he felt like when he was on drugs. He seemed to enjoy my innocence, and switched into teaching mode careful to make it relatable for me kindly.

He described the feelings as that of sinking into a hot bubble bath in an atmosphere of candles lit. A feeling of escape, letting go, peace and comfort.

He went a step further. Relating it to the feeling I would experience being in the presence of God. At peace.

" We use different mediums to get that feeling. I use drugs you use Jesus". He stated nonchalantly.
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    This man is searching. It was clear through our whole conversation. He was wrestling, confused, and unsure.
He clearly understood me as I shared my faith, and the hope that I have found in Christ, he seemed happy that I had found what I was looking for. 

He just couldn't get there for himself.

Please pray for him, and so many like him on the streets in Toronto. People who are using other
 " mediums"to fill that emptiness, and meet their needs. May they come to see that Jesus is what they really need.

" A damn drunk, a bum"

     
     Furrowed brow hunched down in his seat, serious stern face, gruff voice, then a bright smile.

There is an intensity to him, as he often speaks in hushed tones leaning in real close to peer into your eyes, then erupting very suddenly in a yell... then back to hushed tones. 

" Who is God"? he asks angrily, almost testing me it seemed, with a small hint of sadness in his eyes. This small but profound sentence proceeded to lead us into a deep very meaningful conversation.

He spoke of his burden in regards to all the bad he had done, and the fact he sometimes felt God was choosing not to save him until he became better. He was tired of confessing. 

His eyes were striking, he didn't break contact with mine. So open, so honest with his struggles as he hashed it out. 

I asked him quietly how he thought God saw him. My heart aching for his answer.

He paused thoughtfully, emphasizing every syllable gazing intently at me before speaking. 

" A damn drunk, a bum".

I was about to respond, when what he said next surprised me.

" Thats why Jesus came though you know, for damn drunks and bums".

God has been showing me his heart for those who recognize their need for him. 
I believe that he longs for and desires a relationship with the homeless, the misfits, the addicts, those prostituting,the transgendered, the mentally ill...

I believe he has hope for them, he wants to save them. He longs for them to know his deep, real love for them.

I can get so fixated on people's situations, their pains, their struggles, their sins, their traumas, I begin to think they need to change before they can be saved, and have a real relationship with God.

The truth is he takes us as we are, in our condition.

God is showing me how much bigger he is, He cannot be limited. His love can not be confined. The way he works, and the way he is, often a  beautiful mystery. 

The hope he has for these dear ones, is one I cannot fathom. 

I am learning to let God lead me in these relationships. 
I am learning to put my faith and trust in him
I am learning to ask him for opportunities to share this saving hope, this intimate relationship with those I am spending time with. 

Two Identities...

He stands tall, often towering over people. Dressed head to toe in black, black tall pumps,and a black long overcoat mid calf.
Long thin colored hair, very long painted fingernails, and an ever changing identity.

One identity:   creepy, psycho, shocking, dark ,this is what people on the streets label him as. He seems to live into that label, he is attention seeking in making big gestures to be these things. Every night  I spend time with him on the van he never fails to run his long fingernails down someones arm to get a reaction , tilt his head while staring at someone with scary eyes hoping for alarm, breathe his  hot breath close to a persons face wiggling his tongue causing discomfort.

I was caught off guard by this guy when I first met him months ago , I was a little fearful, and unsure of what to make of him, or how to treat him, when he did these things in front of me or to me. I have been learning to look past these behaviors and to focus on really treating him like a gentleman, with respect and dignity, not holding him to this stereotype. We are weekly having good conversations, he is sharing more, and I am seeing glimpses into this other identity.

Other Identity: He is fun, interesting, talented, and lively. He is enjoyable to have conversations with, and he is genuine in his care for others. He is appreciative and gentle, loyal to his friends. He likes sharing his interests, and teaching people what he has learned. He loves music, and is a good singer. He has a great smile, when it's real.

He is caught between two identities. Both so opposite. I really love this guy, I look forward to hanging out with him on the RV every week, he is my friend . Though it confuses and saddens me when he goes back and forth all the time. I pray that he becomes more of the man he was made to be, and less of what others have told him he is.

Please pray that whatever keeps him enslaved, he begins to desire freedom from. My hope is he will one day know the God that created him with such care, worth and purpose, and  that he will enter into a personal relationship with him through Christ Jesus.

He is our refuge

" I know the Lord is always with me, I will not be shaken for he is right beside me"

" Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways"

" I love you Lord, you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my rock, in whom I find my protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me and my place of safety."

"  Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me, all day long I put my hope in you."

" The Lord is my light and my salvation- so why should I be afraid?"

" He will hide me in his sanctuary" 

" My heart has heard you say, come and talk with me. My heart responds, Lord I am coming."

Such rich, beautiful truth in the psalms describing God. 

He is a God who walks with us, he is never far. 

He desires to reveal his love for us.

It is truly his strength we are invited to rely on, his identity we can count on, his protection and safety we can run too.

We can lean into this radical intimacy, of daily asking him to lead us, and looking to him above all else.

He really is the only hope, the source of light, and our true salvation.

He is refuge.

He is love.

He is life.

He is relentlessly beckoning us to walk with him, drawing us to himself.

A special young woman...

           I knew who she was before looking up as she enters the van , her familiar squeeky little voice and gentle way with words make her absolutly irrisistable.

She has been sick for a number of weeks with a hacking cough. Unfortunetly with  this rainy, damp weather, and  her home being under the bridge her recovery is difficult.

She is so sweethearted and thankful for everything. She communicates well, and asks for help kindly.

She confides in me quietly some of the practical difficulties being a homeless young woman, and I am honored to be trusted.

As the van revs up communicating it's time for us to go, I am torn watching her leave. I cherish recieving the gentle hug, smile and goodnight from her.

I want to take her home, I want her to be pampered with a bubble bath, warm bed, and a space to be safe and comfortable. I want her to be doted on, cared for and delighted in.

She is worth so much more, she is a treasure, and she needs to know it, and experience it.

Please join me in praying for her and many others living on the streets. So many unique people, unhealthy situations, and difficult circumstances, that God would guide us in our relationships.

That we would be able to help them to get the assistance and support they need, to get off the streets.

Jesus

    It has been falling on me afresh, the mysterious yet beautiful truth, that God put on flesh and humanity and walked among us, died for us, and rescued us through his son Jesus Christ. It has taken me to scripture this week to discover Jesus yet again. I have been reminded that...


Jesus felt emotions. He experienced grieving, pain, knew loss.

Jesus experienced rejecton, betrayal, deep saddness,

he experienced abuse, affliction and injustice.

Jesus knew what it felt like not to belong, to be vulnurable , to have no home.

Jesus can identify with humanity better then anyone.


In the midst of being fully human, he also revealed to us just who God is, and his heart for humanity.


Jesus loved. Jesus noticed . Jesus walked with . Jesus reached out and touched.

Jesus felt great pity.

Jesus wept. Jesus had dinner with people. Jesus saw . Jesus had compassion .

Jesus was not shocked or disgusted with others. Jesus led . Jesus told stories. Jesus enjoyed teaching.

 Jesus gave hope . Jesus met people in their mess.


The list goes on and on through reading the gospel I am in awe of him, what he went through to save us, and his crazy love and compassion for us.


I long to know Jesus deeper and for others who don't know him to meet him.


Please pray that as God continues to lead us at Light Patrol into friendships with those living downtown Toronto, that together as a community we would all fall in love with Jesus, and know him better day by day.

We were just about to leave , when we heard the faint sound of laughter and voices. They were a group of 5 people guys and girls gathered around some candles under the bridge. They had a little living room set up and made cozy. 

Needles were present and they didn't hide what they were doing, it was all out in the open. 

As we began our walk back to meet the van, he chased after us. He wanted to be with us, and sit in the van, and get a few necessities. Even in the midst of being high he was very clear and able to communicate honestly and very kindly with us. He shared his struggles being homeless, his difficulties, his need to talk and be heard. With a thank you and a God bless, he was gone. 

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She was in the fetal position outside the van, 7 months pregnant, noticeably uncomfortable. She arrived about a week ago to Toronto, trying to find a better life than the destructive people she called family back home. With another child nearly twelve years old she couldn't take care of, she showed a strength and a determination to get back on her feet, leave her meth addiction, and be stable mother to her two kids. 

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A young couple with an infectious joy, she so young bright eyed, and a truly captivating presence, he a sense of humor and a gentle kindness. Their stories wrapped up in struggle for survival, scary situations, victim of  an abusive family, and loneliness on the streets. I did not want them to leave the van, I loved the warmth they seem to carry with them. 

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God knows these people, God sees these people, God loves these people. He knows every piece of their story, he sees them with hope to restore and heal, he loves them with an outrageous, furious, relentless love. 

He is not disgusted with the mess, he is in the mess.He is not overwhelmed with the brokenness, the hurt , the abuse, the addiction, the hopelessness.  I know and believe  he has hope for these people. I trust that he he is at work, and that he knows what needs to happen with each individual. 

Please keep these precious people in your prayers. That they would come to know Jesus. Jesus is what we need.