A Troubling Night

I had finished outreach for the night, and was ready for a relaxing ride home with a good book.

The scent of alcohol was overpowering, as he sat down beside me hunched in his seat on the subway platform. He struggled to fix his gaze  as he began to speak to me. His words gathered together in a jumbled mess. Frustration was building as he fruitlessly tried lighting his cigarette with no lighter. When the problem became clear to him, he stumbled around tripping over his legs asking people to light him up. No one could help him, he ambled back defeated and angry. 

We got on the subway together, he proceeded to give me his panning coins angrily yelling of his hatred for money. Bag full of empty beer cans slung over his shoulder, his disappointment with his lack of alcohol set him on a quest to get more, conveniently at the station I had to go to. 

He spoke to me in hushed slurred tones on the way, anxiously moving his long hair from his eyes. I struggled to hear him, to grasp what was so important for him to speak. Eventually he clearly stated after searching my face for a long moment. " Why do you pay attention to me"? He asked with a softened face, expecting a good answer. My heart was heavy for this man, for the state he was in, and the very real hurt that was coming out of his drunken stupor. He proceeded to erupt angrily a slew of curses at me. 

It was painful and difficult to look the stronghold of alcohol in the face, and see how it takes over a person, and distorts who they really are.

As we got off together at the station, I knew I couldn't leave this man to fend for himself. No grasp of his surroundings, wearing little clothing, and no comprehension of safety.

I called around to see if a shelter would take him, or a crisis center would come pick him up. No one was able to, so a call to the police came next to his horror.  Intense  anger, mixed with the fear of a small child played across his face. 

He spent the long wait with me emotions going up and down, up and down. One minute angry with me, hating me, to asking me life questions and sharing about his life..

As the police came and eventually got him the transportation and hospital help he needed, he became convinced I was an undercover cop. Strapped to a stretcher, and yelling threats at me, for my betrayal he was wheeled out to the ambulance. 

This was easily one of the most difficult encounters I have faced yet. 

Walking with this homeless man through the night, I witnessed the disgust in the faces of people walking by him.

 The despair and hopelessness gripping him in his alcohol addiction. 

The worthlessness that dripped from every word.

The anger that overtook him.

As I sat on my kitchen floor at home and played out the night, I knew Jesus was with us the whole time.

A father's burden for his dear lost child was obvious. The pained heart of a longing for his son to receive and know him was apparent. The anguish in seeing your precious creation harming himself, and stuck in despair with no sense of worth was clear.

It was a significant night for me, as Christ was revealing himself, and his heart to me through this encounter. Please join me in praying for this gentleman that he will one day know his savior, his father, and his healer.