Wearing a top hat over matted shoulder length hair, a purple overcoat, and thin patterned leggings. She assisted me in settling down a friend's dog that was acting up as I walked along Queen street. She spoke in soothing tones to calm the dog. What started out as a friendly conversation on the surface, rapidly turned into the deep plunging into much more. We sat together on the pavement, the dog sitting between us seemed to put her at ease as she shared a life riddled with mental illness, dillusions, abandonment. " I am outcasted" she said plainly with the intensity of passion for injustice. " I am trapped in this body, they call me a lesbian, a dirty whore."These messages are stuck in her mind, she cannot stop the voices she explained. Knowing that she can't think right, she feels alone, stuck isolated in her confused mind. Watching life pass by, on the sidelines, powerless, no control. She craved to experience a family, to truly belong somewhere.
Our conversation was all over the place as she shared, giving me a tiny window into her chaotic mind. No grasp of reality or identity, jumping to extremes... one minute the bride of the devil tormented by demons, next she was Jesus Christ and the world was rejecting her. Freedom feels far off to her, unfathomable, peace has rarely been known in her life. Yet, her heart aches for it, hopes to somehow find it. " My world contains me on my own, everyone else in a different one, until someone steps into my world like right now, well I better be going." She stated abruptly, " Could you give me a hug"? she asked preparing to walk away. With a smile, a hug and an " I love you" to my surprise, she hurried off.
It was difficult for me to watch her walk away, and to eventually walk away myself.
Such a lovely woman, becoming a friend, then leaving typically not to be seen again. Her beautiful vulnerability in speaking, allowing me to know her better is an honour. Her kindness and response to me, to speak love over me in the midst of her life of struggle is so humbling.
She needs prayer, please lift up her and many others on the streets who live within the chaos of their minds, tormented by things we cannot understand, their painful realities. My hope is somehow these precious ones will see see the truth of Jesus Christ amongst all the lies. That they will find him, his relationship, his love, his sense of belonging and family. To trust in the hope of one day being made whole, completely restored, fully healed, and infinitely loved.
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