Biblestudy Time.

Bible propped between the two of us, we took turns reading a line of scripture.

With each stanza her eyes would twinkle as she mused in a dreamlike fashion what God might be speaking.  She bashfully read word upon word confirming the fathers love and care for her. 

"You saw me before I was born." Psalm 139:16 she spoke stopping quickly, her eyes clouded over as the twinkle vanished. 

After pondering for a moment, she softly said, " if this is true, then he knew what my life would be like, and he still planned me to be born." 

A life of heart ache, struggle, pain and hurt.  Suddenly the loving God from a few moments ago, was a mean God who formed her with love, then put her into a painful life on purpose. 

This dear young woman has been having bible study and coffee with me for months. She hungers for Jesus, has countless questions and confusions, her heart is beyond soft towards him, she is familiar with his word, and has invited him to be her Lord and savior.... and yet she is consistently swayed with guilt, doubt, shame,destructive cycles, and an intense fear that she is beyond saving,not worth it, and will be sent to hell in the end. 

Please pray for her. She has such a desire to learn, grow, have understanding and peace in her walk with God. 

Please pray God would give me the  wisdom, truth, love and compassion I need as I spend time in friendship with her. 

" I haven't had a conversation in a week".

With our chins both resting on folded arms atop the counter in the rv, we spoke in a settled manner. Frequently he would erupt in a dry,croaky, repetitive laugh that would carry on for a few moments before returning to a similar tone.

Intriguing, heartbreaking, resourceful, fascinating, absolutely endearing...

 I struggled to comprehend as he shared his life. The more I heard, the difficulty heightened to be okay with his reality, no matter how sure of it he was. 

An all to common life of hardship and trials from the get go, abandoned in many ways, mistreated, and familiar with harm upon his identity consistently. With a tent for a home currently under the bridge, faithful dog for a companion, he opted to go it alone and live as a nomad, aimless, and nameless...

Safer to be alone, away from all the "junkies and drunks"...

With a genuine smile full of blackened teeth, he spoke  about the steaks he scored from a day of panning, he delighted in explaining how he cooked them himself on the small camp stove by his home. 

Such a sweetheart.

A strange serenity played across his face as something seemed to dawn on him. 

" I never talk, no one talks to me, I don't think I have had a conversation in a week, this feels good to just talk and have a good conversation." 

No person should live so isolated.

No person should live so disconnected from love and care.

No person should live with the knowledge that no one is concerned for your well being. 

No person should live without being in relationship.

The wrestle of these injustices and angers, filled me with reluctance to let him go back to his normal, that he seemed so okay with.

Please pray for this dear one.

May the touch of Jesus Christ be felt in his frailty... May his comforting presence be experienced in profound ways... May relationship with the father draw him close to him and others....May the truth of his precious, treasured life be made known to him... Amen.

Hidden Gems...

His dark eyes seemed to dance, he spoke gently with a pleasant french accent, as he introduced me. With a presence that seemed to soothe his drunken friend  he followed with kindness  the aimless pacing  back and forth beside the dumpster. I took in the scene captivated by what I was beholding. The banter between the two of them was endearing. The younger one patiently accepting the playful arm around his shoulder, the gesture similar to that of a father and son. The older one spoke to me through puffs of breath laced with the smell of alcohol , wanting me to know how special this friend was to him. I was touched by the friendship, the care the younger had for the older, trying to get him to eat solid food, and making sure he was warm enough for the cold night ahead. I felt I had discovered a gem in these two, with a backdrop of city lights, I left them sitting on new sleeping bags laughing together, enjoying their company, slightly spilling their soups. 

Such vulnerability.

Young, so young. He peered up at me and I was struck by the innocence all over his face. Small in stature and build, legs folded up holding his sign, head covered by a thin hat, brightened up smile. He spoke to me with such courtesy, friendliness, joking easily and thoughtfully. What an instant genuine friend. He had never seen our Light Patrol van before, and jumped at the chance to come aboard with me to get some food and supplies to make his home under the bridge more comfortable. A real thankfulness draped his speech as he chatted kindly with us. He was the picture of vulnerability on the streets, he had no one. So young, seemingly innocent and untainted, his situation was very worrisome to us. Knowing the dangers of older predators on the streets looking for the young homeless youth to exploit and mistreat, was very unsettling. With a sweet wave goodbye, sleeping bag in tow, he was back out. Please pray we see him again, for his protection along with so many others in similar circumstances, and for safe healthy people to come into his life.